5 Steps to Conquering a Sticky Situation.
Written by Jill Shroyer.
We all find ourselves in tough or “sticky” situations at work and in our personal lives every so often. Maybe you overcommitted to a charitable cause and need to redraw some boundaries. Perhaps you accidentally vented your private feelings about a coworker in a reply-all email. Or maybe you are simply working up the courage to ask for a raise. Sticky situations come in many forms, but what they have in common is that they’re stressful, uncomfortable, and no fun to deal with.
One of my most memorable sticky situations involved talking to an employee about their body odor. This is a classic one to get stuck on, because bringing it up feels so rude, yet letting it go unmentioned can have a negative impact on the whole team. What’s the “right” way to handle such a sensitive conversation?
This blog will teach you how to face sticky situations and tough talks head-on through a simple five-step formula, bolstered by a three-prong approach. Keep reading all the way to the end to see how the formula and the approach combine for pure de-sticking magic!
Let’s dive in…
The Five-Step Formula
Thanks
Why
What
How
Thanks Again
1. Thanks
The first step is to express gratitude. Gratitude has a place everywhere, even in tough conversations . . . especially in tough conversations! Start with thanking the person you’re talking to for having the conversation.
In the body-odor conversation I mentioned earlier, this step went something like this:
“Thank you for taking the time out of your day to meet with me. How’s everything going?”
2. Why
The second step is to state the reason for the difficult conversation. Get the issue out into the open in one sentence. Don’t dance around it! Dive right in and tell them why you need to speak with them.
”I need to bring something up that’s difficult for me to say and will probably be hard for you to hear. Your body odor is affecting others in the workplace.”
3. What
State exactly what needs to change. If there are multiple issues, address no more than three this time. Have another conversation later, if needed, to address the additional issues.
“Body odor might be caused by unwashed clothing, a need for a change in deodorant, or sometimes an underlying hygiene issue. Has anyone brought this to your attention before? Do you have any thoughts on what could be causing the issue?” (If they say yes, listen to their ideas and build from there. If not, be prepared with your own suggestions.)
4. How
Tell the person you’re speaking with exactly how you are asking for the behavior to change or what you expect them to start or stop doing to resolve the issue. Consider asking a question after you state these expectations such as, “Do you agree to change these things?”
“Based on this discussion, it sounds like switching to a more effective deodorant and doing laundry more frequently may resolve the issue. Do you agree to make those changes going forward?”
5. Thanks Again
Start and end the conversation with gratitude. I call this the bookends of gratitude! Even if it was stressful and uncomfortable, thank the person for having the conversation with you.
“This is a hard thing to talk about, and I really appreciate your receptiveness and willingness to take steps to resolve the issue. Thank you.”
In my body-odor example, I utilized my “three-prong approach.” This approach helps clarify how to structure what you say. The three prongs are: Simplify, Be Straightforward, and Be Human-Centered.
Simplify
Less said, best said. In preparing for the conversation, consider starting with a brain-dump to get all your thoughts out, no matter how messy. Then, go back and apply the five-step formula and remove and/or replace filler and unnecessary words so your message is clean, concise and has no room for misinterpretation. The idea is to have it short enough so you can memorize what you will say.
Pro tip: Repeat yourself if needed! Repeating keeps you from saying something unplanned, which can result in the conversation going off track.
Be Straightforward
A vague message is useless. Take time to think about the exact desired outcome and what exact words need to be said to get to that outcome. Be honest, but please always be kind.
It is important to note here that being straightforward is not offensive and does not require an apology! Resist the urge to begin your straightforward statement with, “Sorry . . . but I need to express this.” If you are being straightforward, and kind, there is no need to apologize.
Be Human-Centered
I urge you to remember that both people in this conversation are human. Empathy is a great way to spur the human connection. Before starting a sticky situation conversation, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about how you’d feel if the message was being delivered to you. This is a great starting place to ensure you include the human factor in these conversations. These conversations can be human-centered and still effective.
Bottom Line
There will be stressful moments in life and many, MANY sticky situations to deal with. But you can no longer use the excuse that no one exposed you to techniques on how to handle these situations. It’s time to take action!
I can’t promise you this will always be easy. I can promise that if you keep at it, it will get easier. Be easy on yourself as you grow your skills to become better in the way you communicate during tough talks.
It’s time to go conquer your next sticky situation… You’ve got this!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: JILL SHROYER
Jill Shroyer is the bestselling author of Conquer Sticky Situations: A Fresh and Empowering Approach to Tough Talks at Work and in Life and is the CEO & Founder of Expedition HR Consulting. She has over 20 years of HR experience and is PHR (Professional in Human Resources) certified. LEARN MORE
